American Dropout

I like my literature, the way I like my cigarettes: With a warning label.

Wed, 30 May 2012 07:14:11 -0500

I like my literature, the way I like my cigarettes:

With a warning label.

Oh, what’s so funny bright eyes?

Wed, 30 May 2012 05:46:47 -0500

Oh, what’s so funny bright eyes?

I told her I loved her. She said “…balls.”

Wed, 30 May 2012 04:59:45 -0500

I told her I loved her.

She said “…balls.”

The Amateur Situation

Tue, 29 May 2012 02:36:00 -0500

If the world continues to progress the way it seems to be at this moment…

By the year 2035, there will be porn, or nude cell phone pics of at least 30% of the adult population of the United States, somewhere on the internet, or stored digitally.

The evidence is everywhere… though I pulled the 30% number completely out of my ass. As well as the year.

Alcohol, sex and camera phones mix way more than some realize…

That’s the only explanation I can gather from more people not being aware of what can be called The Amateur Situation.

It’s not just snapshots from a moment of weakness or excitement either. Teenagers now grow up with a webcam 10 feet from where they sleep, and access to instant sexual attention in every direction.

Young women, not always known for their high self-esteem when it comes to their own bodies and men, are especially susceptible. They often fall victim to flattery and attention.

They’re not all predators. Many cross that line… but some are just men selfishly seeking out a similar satisfaction from another adult.

I truly don’t believe there’s, necessarily, anything wrong with an ever growing number of people who have their junk SOMEWHERE on the internet, at sometime…

As long as they’re aware of and ready to deal with the consequences.

It has to be part of the conversation. Tell your teens, when they’re reaching that age, what they’ll run into… and think about it long and hard before you ever take that picture, send it, or upload it. Tell your daughters to aim the camera away from their faces, no matter how much they’ve had to drink.

These people are not porn stars, and don’t want to be. They’re just human beings who live in an unforeseeable age: Where the lady you might see working third shift at Steak n Shake did one amateur 4 minute porn movie with her boyfriend right after community college, when she was really strapped for cash, and they made a few bucks off of it. And it’s still out there.

Even the ugliest married couple you know, secretly have some kinky account on a porn tube site that they upload to anonymously. Maybe you’ll never find it. Maybe you already caught a glimpse of it and didn’t even know.

It’s a brave new world.

It’s even more likely a woman’s topless photo will end up posted somewhere, at sometime if she’s even relatively attractive. At some point, some lucky guy will ask the question: will you take a pic? Can I take a picture of you on my phone? Do you want to skype? It could happen to anyone, eventually. The younger they are, the more likely it’ll happen in their lifetime.

I haven’t mentioned men. I think they’re less vulnerable, simply because nobody wants that picture. There are a million cocks jerking off LIVE on Omegle and Chat Roulette RIGHT NOW, with no women in sight, because:

No one wants that. We can’t GIVE random, live streaming video of our cocks away. Except to each other.

There’s no hope for us. Don’t bother, we have no shame

Don’t shoot the messenger.

Hell, maybe this is the way it was supposed to be. Eventually, we’re all exposed and exploited to the point where we have no choice but to WELCOME each others rock hard cocks, and bouncing breasts… and we’ll need no secrets.

Watch this if you want to hear an interesting talk on the state...

Tue, 29 May 2012 01:02:00 -0500

Watch this if you want to hear an interesting talk on the state of independent internet media vs the mainstream media. Really entertaining and informative from a guy who knows what he’s talking about, Shane Smith, one of the founders of Vice magazine.

You can be articulate, spot on and funny all night, but all you go home remembering is how you...

Mon, 28 May 2012 23:55:36 -0500

You can be articulate, spot on and funny all night, but all you go home remembering is how you accidentally said “bigamy,” when you meant “polygamy.” Fuuuuuuuuuck.

Photo

Mon, 28 May 2012 12:27:00 -0500

I just received an e-mail from someone I correspond with, who wanted some tips on being a cab...

Mon, 28 May 2012 07:50:00 -0500

I just received an e-mail from someone I correspond with, who wanted some tips on being a cab driver. This is what I came up with in the last hour…

Alex,

Great to hear from you again. Hope all is well, but I guess it can’t be that well if you’re thinking of becoming a cab driver haha, jk. Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend it though, it’s not for everyone. It’s a tough job, not hard work, but a hard job and also dangerous. But it can also be a great job, a reliable, fun, and rewarding line of work if you can handle it and last.

Get a GPS asap. Don’t rely on it completely, because it’s better if you know the streets (and fastest routes, there is no GPS better than your own judgement.) Make a point of asking the customer their preferred route if it’s not obvious.

Be careful. Really. Watch out for pedestrians and obviously other vehicles at all times. If you ever have to multitask while driving (even the smallest things, like pulling out a cigarette or answering your phone) pick your spots. Even if you consider yourself a good driver, you must remember that you’ll be spending a lot more time on the road, putting you at much greater risk.

Drive fast, but not too fast. In every community there is an accepted norm for how fast you can get away with driving at any given time. The real number isn’t always the speed limit. Find that number, but don’t get too many tickets (especially in the first year) or you’ll be done. You want to be quick (so you can get more total trips in your shift, and ensure the one you’re after won’t leave before you get there…) but don’t be reckless.

Be efficient. Don’t waste gas. Try not to buy a soda or food every hour when you’re out there.

Don’t cheat or steal from the customer, don’t cheat or steal from your company, and don’t let them do it to you.

Notice where you tend to make the most money and when. What bars, neighborhoods, and people seem to yield the most positive results for you personally? Use this knowledge as you see fit.

If you’re good with people, talk to them. Especially on longer trips, make it more pleasant. Read them, figure out if they want to talk. If they do not want to, then drive the car. Listen. Don’t talk anyone’s ear off. Your goal isn’t to let them know your life story, but to make a good impression in a short time.

Protect your customers. Their safety is your responsibility for a short time (to some extent). I’m not saying take a bullet for them, but if you look out for their interests (even when they can’t), they will trust and occasionally even respect you.

Establish boundaries. Do not let people walk all over you, destroy your cab, or put any of you in danger. Try to avoid violence at all costs (of course), but occasionally some form of aggression is necessary. Control your anger and use it intelligently. Be nice until it’s time to not be nice.

Do not get too involved. Do not ask questions you do not need to know the answer to. Remember, you will be dealing with ALL kinds of people. Including criminals. People tend to talk, but the smart ones won’t. If they give you knowledge of the commission of a crime (let’s say they’re going to buy drugs, or sell drugs, or they’re carrying drugs) that puts you in a compromising position and depending on the severity of the crime, could make you liable.
Be rational about it. Criminals are people too, and there’s no reason to turn down their business (until they give you one). Don’t let them put you at risk.
Obviously, if it’s something serious and you have to end the trip, or call the cops, then do what you feel is best. Judgement calls. I’ll leave the rest up to you.

Watch your ass. Look for signs of danger. From customers, neighborhoods, situations, etc. If it’s too dangerous, or you don’t feel right about it, get the fuck out of there before anything has the chance to happen. It’s not worth your life.

Try to remember why you’re out there and enjoy it. It’s not always going to be worth the money, so when it’s not, enjoy the perks and experiences in the job.

Good luck.

Photo

Sun, 27 May 2012 10:22:27 -0500

Let my blood on the sidewalk be the final irony? As much as I’d enjoy it I hate turning...

Sun, 27 May 2012 10:21:52 -0500

Let my blood
on the sidewalk
be the final irony?

As much as I’d enjoy it

I hate turning
honest men
into hypocrites

The angry mob
will go to bed

hungry

and wake up to

the real

enemy

Video

Sun, 27 May 2012 05:36:53 -0500

The lights dim. There’s the feedback from the speakers, and the anticipation from the crowd. ...

Sat, 26 May 2012 13:43:00 -0500

The lights dim.

There’s the feedback from the speakers, and the anticipation from the crowd. They’re young, and packed into the tiny club.

Stage lights go on and the fans stir.

The band is an invading force peering out at natives they intend to slaughter.

And you can feel it… the spectators are a little afraid for their lives.

The singer steps up to the mic.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we are… Agents Of Sodomy!!”

The crowd erupts in simultaneous orgasm, which secretes from every pore, screaming, jumping, dancing, fucking. They’re hit with a heavy riff before the words have even faded…

Crazy fat nerd kid who got pushed to the front row is like “OH MY FUCKING GOD IT’S THE GREATEST BAND NAME OF ALL TIME!!!!” He pukes, OD’s, and dies.

Video

Thu, 24 May 2012 04:50:11 -0500

Drusilla makes my list of top 5 recurring characters to never be...

Thu, 24 May 2012 04:46:09 -0500

Drusilla makes my list of top 5 recurring characters to never be featured in the opening credits.

Video

Wed, 23 May 2012 19:54:33 -0500

Photo

Wed, 23 May 2012 19:51:22 -0500

Just read a Peoria Journal Star headline: Vandals Strike Pekin Cemetery, ahead of Memorial...

Wed, 23 May 2012 06:56:03 -0500

Just read a Peoria Journal Star headline:

Vandals Strike Pekin Cemetery, ahead of Memorial Day.

Which sounds like you’re accusing the vandals of planning this caper to sabotage Memorial Day celebrations at Pekin Cemetery. I’ve never known vandals to be especially calculating. There’s also very little to suggest they have strong feelings about Memorial Day.

I’d let it go as funny phrasing, until the first sentence:

The timing of vandals who worked their way through a vast cemetery overnight could not have been more malicious.

Malicious timing. Meaning, the author thinks the vandals timed their destruction with the intent to do harm. Seriously?

Dear Journal Star,

The Sgt you spoke to said “there’s no rhyme or reason to it.” Stick with that. I know it’s really shitty that someone did this before Memorial Day, but there’s no reason to stir up your readers with baseless insinuation.

When they catch the teenagers who did it, I’m sure their punishment will be harsh enough without you accusing them of conspiracy to commit terrorism.

Video

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:01:56 -0500

Have a drink and throw darts, take a walk, waste money on a cab and go to Denny’s, play video...

Sun, 20 May 2012 22:58:00 -0500

Have a drink and throw darts, take a walk, waste money on a cab and go to Denny’s, play video games, Sherlock marathon, Californication marathon, Community marathon, or do something constructive?

Photo

Sun, 20 May 2012 22:55:25 -0500